He fixes things.
Sometimes down to the actual failed component. Think of the lost replacement-device revenue.
A public service announcement from Big Tech™
Rossmann Sucks.
He sucks at accepting the completely reasonable idea that corporations should control your stuff forever.
The evidence against him
Four counts of
corporate disobedience.
He shows his work.
Diagnostics, schematics and repair knowledge—shared openly, where ordinary people can see it.
He remembers.
Bricked devices. Revoked features. Subscription traps. Apparently “the cloud” is not an acceptable excuse.
He won't shut up.
Legislatures, livestreams, repair benches: relentless indoor-voice violations in defense of ownership.
A message from our totally real sponsors
Big Tech thanks you
for not asking questions.
The following fictional organizations remind you that opening the device you paid for may hurt its feelings.
Serialized Parts AllianceEvery screw needs permission
Disposable Electronics CouncilLandfills create jobs
Cloud Ownership BureauYou bought a temporary license
Authorized Technicians OnlyPlease stop looking inside
The Dongle ConsortiumOne port. Infinite opportunity.
Planned Obsolescence PACInnovation, annually
Department of questionable commerce
Merch is
coming.
Original artifacts from the anti-ownership industrial complex may eventually become available. No borrowed logos. No disposable designs. Probably at least one warranty sticker.
Coming
soon-ish.Pending approval from absolutely nobody
soon-ish.Pending approval from absolutely nobody
Louis Rossmann
doesn't suck.
This domain was registered after Louis joked that he wouldn’t sue someone for making RossmannSucks.com. That sounded less like a warning and more like a creative brief.
This is an independent parody made by someone who appreciates his work advocating for repair, ownership and consumer rights. Nothing on this site is currently for sale.
Official complaint intake
Send the
memo.
Found the site funny? Have an idea? Represent a fictional multinational conglomerate with concerns? Messages go privately to the site creator.